Abraham Maslow a clinical Psychologist in his great theory of Hierarchy of needs identified sex as one of the physiological needs of man. For him, satisfaction of this physiological need is basic and also essential for human survival.

Interestingly, God in His wisdom at creation said: ‘it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’ (Gen. 2v18). In appreciation of what God did for man, the man exclaimed: ‘… this is the bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh…’ Gen. 2v23(b).

And that is why in Christian marriage service the holy writ captures it thus:

The scriptures teach us that marriage is a gift of God in creation and a means of grace, a holy mystery in which man and woman become one flesh. It is God’s purpose that as husband and wife give themselves to each other in love throughout their lives, they shall be united in their love as Christ is united with his church.

The intention of God is that within marriage a fuller expression of this gift of sex to man and woman is to be fully realized. The admonition speaks further in coming together of man and wife, is not something that will be undertaken carelessly, lightly or selfishly, but reverently, responsibly, and after serious thought.

Today, man in his perfidy has tended to deface the original intention of God about sex. A lot has happened and are still happening which I know griefs the heart of God.

In the days of innocence, a man looked for the glorious day of union after careful preparations. If from the traditional setting, the wine carrying and its attendant ceremonies are meticulously followed culminating on the actual handover of lady to the would be husband. Yet, the lady’s family will not be too proud until the morning of the next day if the proud husband announces the blood stained cloth of the previous night and then great celebration will rent the air. You will now see the parents of a bride beaming with smiles for if contrary was recorded, shame, anger, resentment could have been their portion.

For the Christian, part of the idea of veiling is to show purity and innocence at a wedding service which must have been preceded by counselling to ensure that sexual intercourse did not take place before or during the preparations to ensure sanctity and respect to God.

Priest’s or clergymen trained for counselling will always point out at counselling sessions why sexual intercourse should be avoided before marriage.

Firstly, if sex occurs, it may result in an unwanted pregnancy and the feeling usually is not a pleasurable one.

Secondly, one at that time may not have been prepared to welcome a new born baby and depression sets in.

Thirdly, one may not forgive himself or herself for suppressed guilt can bring occasional harm.

But today peoples attitude towards sex seem not to be in tune with the mind of God. Many are now in for experimentation. We hear of co-habitation, gay marriages and such other condemnable lifestyles that are not in agreement with the standards of God.

Take for example in co-habitation which now seem to be the other of the day in higher institutions of learning. A boy and a girl live like full husband and wife. Experts have shown apart from scores of abortions which may likely take place during this time of ungodly union, the future of young people in such habit may be in danger. Ofcourse their academics are derailed and some live above their means which may eventually lead to armed robbery in order to meet up to either partner. Often the pressure may be on the man who now plays the role of the husband, the breadwinner of the household. It is only sad that some parents don’t normally visit their wards in school, if not; this bad habit should not be seen to be thriving.

On the other hand, the gay marriage which is also a thorn in the flesh of the Church is an abuse of sexual relationship and a slap on the face of God. Thank God, the Primate of All Nigeria (Anglican Communion), Most Rev. Nicholas Okoh, recently restated the position of Church of Nigeria, Anglican Communion, husband and wife relationship as opposed to gay relationship. Jesus said: In the beginning God made them male and female: MK. 10v6; Mtt. 19v4 ff. Therefore, any attempt to revise this is a negation of biblical standards.

As people celebrate tomorrow, Valentine’s Day it has become necessary to remind all and sundry that sex outside marriage does not fall in line with God’s purpose; rather, people should live responsibly and use the Bible as their standards. It is instructive however that couples should see sex as a gift of God. Both should share honourably this conjugal rights. But is sex to be used as a weapon?

To be continued.


Rector, Ibru International Ecumenical Retreat Centre,


Delta State.

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